It seems, I've recently read, that gadget makers can find a thief  but have basically opted not to do anything to help apprehend said thief.

Interesting.

I remember, years ago, I had foolishly thrown away check books without shredding them into a billion pieces. I had thought, silly me, that since the account had been canceled years before, indeed, the bank no longer even existed, there would be no issue.

Wrong.

When I started receiving requests for warranty information on the TV, Washing Machine, Sonic Jet and other assorted items I had apparently purchased, I learned what had happened. Apparently, it is quite easy to fake an ID and write a check.  A police report, an affidavit and an enormous amount of time and energy later, the issues were resolved. 

I suspect I wouldn't be quite so sanguine knowing that my kindle, if I ever get around to buying a kindle, perhaps someday, better late than never I would be pretty pissed if it was stolen and Amazon knew who stole it, as they were ordering downloads of books, and Amazon didn't do squat about that. After all, I guess, from there point of view, a sale is a sale is a sale.

But since the buying of a kindle is probably years off for me,  I imagine that the how to deal with the gadget stealing issues will be long resolved.

By then, of course, the newest incarnation of gadget will replace it. No doubt, it will be a chip, implanted in your head which will enable you to receive all sorts of information.

Losing one's head will take on new meaning.

Why I might be on TV Guides email list, I have no idea, but there it was…in my in-box…the Fall Line Up, for me to, no doubt, get busy setting my DVR (which I actually can do) to record all the various and assorted new programs.

Not.

I get the correlation between programming and advertising dollars. Get more viewers, advertisers pay more for the air time. Easy. Create programming for the lowest common denominator, I don't get. The lowest common denominator, by the way, are people 18-49.

Boomers, it seems, don't make that cut. 

According to an article that I read  Baby Boomers upset TV isn't all about them. Advertisers will pay a premium for young viewers: $335 for every thousand people in the 18-24 age range that a network delivers. Viewers aged 55-64 are worth only $119 for every thousand.

Yikes.

After all those years of watching L'Oreal commercials, telling me how to cover my grey,  I actually believed "Because I'm Worth It" I was worth it.  Apparently, that's not the case.

But back to the fall lineup.

Since it seems clear that the programmers don't think that anyone over 50 has memories they can change the name, a few characters, and bring back programs that were on the air 20-30 years ago. Do you remember the Beverly HiIlbillies, or Green Acres?  It's back. This time it is called Hank.

In the meantime, based on what is scheduled for the fall,  I can live out my wildest fantasies. If I want to be the next model, apprentice, cook, idol, designer, treasure hunter, survivor, millionaire, made over, do over I have SO much to choose from.

Shoot me.

Being cowed by the one you are investigating, and therefore missing all the red flags was "a failure that we continue to regret" said the chairwomen of the agency, Mary L. Schapiro. Indeed, one of the staff lawyers received the highest performance rating from the S.E.C., for her "ability to understand and analyze the complex issues of the Madoff investigation." And lastly, the THEN chairman Christopher Cox said "he was gravely concerned" over the regulatory ineptitude.

But not to worry. I understand that some of those very employees of the S.E.C. have their resumes out for new employment.

Cheney is looking at the "unnamed staff lawyer" to represent him in the ongoing investigation of the CIA abuses that he condoned in the "war against terrorism."

The "investigators" are being seriously considered as very viable candidates at FEMA. They will be responsible for the analysis and recommendations vis a vis Hurricane and Earthquake calamities.

Lastly, the S.E.C. is receiving a steady stream of new applicants.These resumes will be reviewed by a committee. Who is heading up this committee is still being decided. I understand those under consideration are George W, The Three Stooges, and the team that recommended Sarah Palin as McCain's running mate.

What's that line, keep your friends close but your enemies closer?

Well it seems to me that little ditty doesn't stop anyone, friends or enemies, from exposing all sorts of deep and dark secrets, and cashing in, to boot. Think "Mommy Dearest." Hmmm, probably most celebrities' children have written something pretty trashy. The children of famous authors seems to breed scandalous information about what their growing up years in the household of …………. Pulitzer prize winner, notwithstanding.

And why do I take such incredible interest in knowing the trials and tribulations of others?
Don't know, but I do. Clearly, doesn't take much for a tad bit of gossip to engage me.

I seem drawn to the book editorials that titillate me with bits and pieces of the family scandals, drug addictions, infidelities, that the "tell all" author is revealing. I don't actually buy the book, or care to. I am, apparently, sated with just the bit of the behind closed door comments.

So, to that end, it is clear that living an anonymous life has its upsides. If the life we lead is fraught with failures, disasters, scandals and the like,  it might be chronicled in a personal diary, a Tweet on Twitter, but won't ever make the best seller list.

And that's a good thing.

With a good proportion of the work force not working I wonder what they will be reflecting about this Labor Day.

Anyhow, of all the things I read about how Labor Day came about the inclusion line that it is the "kick off" time for NFL and college football seems to head the list for some of us. Not me, but some of us.

I, for one, having left the student days far behind (no buying of loose leaf notebooks for me; does anyone use loose leaf notebooks anymore?)  am an inactive member of the work force (everyday is a non Labor Day) and never quite got my, shit, it's Memorial Day bathing suit beach body under control, now that the summer is officially over I don't have to think about that until next year. Unless, of course, I see my way to another beach holiday sometime during the winter doldrums. But, since laboring away does finance that fantasy, that activity may be a stretch.

In the meantime I will spend Labor Day pondering about things like, why do people give their houses names, aren't their addresses enough? Walking around the neighborhood where I am staying now, every other house had a rather weather beaten piece of wood with words along the lines of  "sunset paradise" or "sunrise idyll" or "wedeservethis"…Hearing one set of neighbors, too often, I have often wondered why they don't remove their 'heaven" sign and replace it with "don't love you anymore" but "can't afford the divorce."

Happy Labor Day.

In better late than never I admitted, somewhat reluctantly, that I am late to the game in the technology environment.

Nonetheless, when I read about some technological update that is available I wistfully think, if I knew how to load that, use that, banish it if I hate it, I'd download it.

Here's one, though, that I know I should look into. Coupons for the iphone.

I might have wanted to use a coupon, once upon a time, in the early days of coupon redemption, pre scanners, but remember the eyes of the people behind the person, rummaging in their purse, wallet, pant pockets, burning holes into the persons' back, having to wait their turns, while the myopic check out clerk looked for the expiration date. "This is invalid" she snarled. "It expired yesterday." 

That was it for me.

Now it appears, you can have coupons sent to your cellphone not only avoiding the wrath, but basking in the awe of those behind you, clearly admiring your technological wizardry. 

Until, of course, the technology fails.

Richard Russo in the prologue of his novel "Straight Man" writes…"I just want to be entertained… I agree with the premise, and I too just want to be entertained. I am almost never entertained by what entertains other people who just want to be entertained doesn't make us philosophically incompatible. It just means that we shouldn't go to movies together."

I loved those lines. I love all his writing, but I particularly loved those lines.

Haven't you opted out of going to see a "dark, heavy, intense, difficult" piece of theater, or movie, with the explanation that you wanted to be "entertained." Then, of course, you feel compelled to qualify that statement with all sorts of disclaimers. "I had a tough day, week, month, year…my co workers have been impossible, difficult, trying, demanding and my love life is stalled, frustrating, challenging, disturbing" all in the hope that you won't be judged as being an intellectual lightweight.

Why is that?

Fear of being mute at a dinner party? Being stopped by Leno, in his man on the street segment, and not knowing any answers?  Leaving gaping holes in your crossword puzzle? Not getting on Jeopardy?

Probably not.

Just have a differing of opinion about what you find entertaining.

It was Einstein (yes, that Einstein) who said:  "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result."

Aren't we glad that he uttered this statement just a few minutes before he came up with the Theory of Relativity. Really, where would we have been if he had heeded his own words and stopped what he was doing?

It appears, however,  that along with those folk who are deemed insane due to, I don't know, maybe  genetic imbalances, there is another factor at play. It's stress. 

Apparently, the brain when responding to stress releases chemicals into the blood system that, in addition to wrecking havoc on your organs, causes a mechanism triggering you to repeat an action, repeat an action, repeat an action, repeat an action, without being able to stop, repeat an action.

But there is good news.

The circuitry that goes into overdrive can be reversed. One simply has to eliminate the stress. That's pretty easy to do. Take an extended vacation, for example. Just don't come back.

Have you had this experience?

I'll be sauntering down the street, ipod in my ears,  listening to a particularly wonderful piece of Latin music, when all of a sudden, I visualize myself in the arms of some incredibly gifted salsa dancer, there we are moving as one, with extraordinary grace and panache, ultimately causing those who were dancing along with us to stop, stare and, as we do our final twirl, break out in thunderous applause. 

I don't dance salsa. But, in my mind's eye…

It's Wimbledon, there I am, on center court, it's a tie breaker, I am returning the last serve of the last set of the last match. Game, set, match. Leaping over the net, raising my hands in victory, waving at the crowd. Deafening cheers.

This is really scare stuff.

Gail Collins, one of my favorite columnists, couldn't have been more spot on. A reality show celebrity, by her definition, should be "one of the lesser Baldwin brothers," right?

As positively embarrassing as it is, I can't imagine that we should be particularly concerned if the world is watching…After all we have Silvio Berlusconi cavorting with reckless abandon, Carla Bruni impersonating a first lady (right down to her Jackie O outfit when she met the Queen) and a general overall worldwide relief that as long as we don't have Bush in the White House the Americans must be doing something right.

So, in addition to "Dancing With The Stars," I think that the current TV network executives should seriously consider bringing back "I've Got A Secret."

If you recall, the panel tried to guess what  the "secret" talent of the "guest" might be. Think of the what kind of questions could be asked to illicit the secret.  Palin is the Governor of Alaska. She has been asked to run alongside McCain. This hasn't been announced yet. Her secret..she has the goods to do this.

A perfectly sensible way to vett out our future elected officials. You think of the possibilities. Cha Cha Cha