I have come to the conclusion that out there, somewhere, it must, has to, absolutely exists.

After all when I see my old friends on line, year after year after year, I can only surmise that they are there on a quest for the perfect woman, otherwise what could possibly explain their (apparently) lifetime memberships. 

To wit, I recently had a conversation with one on-line hopeful who told me, unabashedly, that he had been out on one hundred first dates. Does it strike you, as it did me, that this boast is bizarre. Why, I wondered, did he share this? I suggested to him that he might rethink his criteria. Needless to say, I was not his 101st.

Yet another hopeful said that whether it was on-line, on the Starbucks line, or at the buffet line at a dinner party, you initially consider the person very seriously, but wonder if there is "something better". Who am I to argue that logic?  I, after all, did write a blog likening dating to shopping at Loehman's…Anyhow, back to his discussion of seeking perfection he said…"And as we all know, perfect is the death of good, and especially of good enough." I thought that sounded pretty profound.  Of course, I don't think I understood exactly what he meant, but didn't want to be less than perfect and admit to that. 

Then I read the article women with partners at home gain weight.  "She was a 10 when I met her", he lamented, "but now, alas…."

You have got to love the irony in that. 

Tell a prospective date that you want to skype.

"You want to what?" they ask, incredulously. 

This is the latest act, in the pre screening for the possible, potential, could happen, we might just have a first date, in the you really want to go out with me, dance. Really.

Can you imagine? How does one look dramatic, fetching, alluring and slim in the bright light of morning, with a somewhat fish eye lens capturing them in all their glory? Does a bathrobe have the cachet, the look, you were going for? Perhaps a video conferencing center could work. They have lighting people there, you know.

There are actually people, I have come to realize, who read what has been written in the on line profile. All of it. What you read, watch, do for fun. Aren't they aware that the only thing that is of any importance is how you look? Except for those confident souls who have no picture posted on their profile. Now that speaks volumes. Either they are uber confident in the written word, are famous, in the witness protection program or truly a beast.

Would they skype, I wonder?

Equally daunting is the pre screening telephone chat. You've got to be fairly confident that you remember what you wrote about yourself in case you are quizzed. How old did you say your were, followed by how tall are two definitive questions that can easily trip one up. So, make sure that you have read and committed your profile to memory before the dialing commences.

As I said, this isn't for the faint of heart. But as the new decade is slowing making its way in, there are many a hopeful who are making resolutions for the new year. Skyping for love, however, is probably not one of them.

HOPE YOUR DAY, EVENING AND TOMORROW ARE HAPPY AND MERRY

And so, Tommy, in the rock opera of the same name, written by The Who, sang to us "See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me. Heal Me." 

I have recently learned that The Who were on to something infinitely more significant than just a catchy tune.

Natalie Robinson Garfield, a noted psychotherapist, teaches us in her book, The Sense Connection just how powerful our senses are in shaping our personal and professional relationships. 

Who knew?

She has developed a questionnaire designed to help you figure out your KATOV. Were you thinking that I had a typo in my subject line? It's your Kinesthetic, Auditory, Tactile, Olfactory, Visual way of navigating the world. If you know "what your dominant sense" is, she conjects, and "how your other senses line up" after that, you will have "a better understanding of what you need" and "how you relate to others." Perhaps, as importantly, she says, is the "figuring out what and how the OTHER person in your life is wired"  so maybe you'll be able to sync your needs and wants more easily.

Cool, huh? 

So the 'look deeply into my eyes' is not necessarily a hypnotists' chant to seduce you into a somnambulist state, but rather the need for visual contact above others. 

I did get a copy of her questionnaire, but haven't answered it yet. But, I will. 

I could, I think, if I understand this correctly, quantify when admitting my flaws that I have scientific proof of what I need, and how much and in what order. 

The reviews are in for Men of A Certain Age, and they appear to be positive. 

If you haven't seen the three thousand, four hundred and sixty two commercials heralding it's arrival I'll give you the download.

Three "men of a certain age" (that would be pushing 50) lifelong friends, each burdened with some form of midlife angst parallel play. 

So what are the issues that these three menopausal males are, thus far, encountering? 

One is overweight, but not dieting; one is chasing sweet young things and is not embarrassed by it, and the third likes big breasted women, gambles but (redeemingly?) pines for his ex.  

It's either the younger male version of the Golden Girls, or the older male version of Sex and The City. It's about time, don't you think? A peek into the psyche of the male. Something, that the Sopranos gave ua glimpses of…but murder and mayhem does, you'll agree, gets in the way of touchy feely.

I've been wondering what diet the overweight one will ultimately decide to go on, and whether that will be the newest fad diet for other chubbette men. But, mostly am eager to see how Ray Romano evolves these three characters and whether their male mid life stories unfold with a balanced amount of testosterone and sensitivity.

Stay tuned.

Out loud, to another person.

Have you? Would you? Could you? Do you appreciate that uneven toes does not count as a flaw?

I, like a myriad of others, delighted in Elizabeth Gilberts, "Eat, Love, Pray" the story of her journey (literally and figuratively) to find her happy. Apparently, she did. Fast forward to her next book called "Commitment." I read an excerpt of it. I'll admit to it. Because, I am easily amused. And can't focus on deep, involved prose for long periods of time.

Definitely a flaw.

She proceeds to synthesize her flaws into a manageable five, that she presents to her then future husband, as she called it "a prenuptial informed consent release." They were beauties. I could easily related to at least 3 of them. And added a few more of my own. But aloud?

Of course, he graciously, lovingly and thoughtfully accepted her statements, asking her if "there was anything else that he didn't already know." Awww. So sweet, so loving, so supportive and, clearly, the right answer. Particularly if she is writing a next best seller about commitment. Would have been a short story, if he had answered, "Too bad, I'm outta here."

So back to the question. 

Would relationships proceed more smoothly, without as many fits and starts, if both parties laid out their perceived warts and boils right up front? For those not all that introspective, they could confer with their past relationships, their therapists and their friends to make sure their list is on target.

Unlikely.

But, I like the concept. 

Being perceived as Perfect, you see is simply too hard to maintain.

I love it when friends shares their dating escapades with me.   

I listen raptly and attentively. What they wore, what they did, how they felt afterward. How they feel going forward. What he said, what she said. What the waiter said. What he said, but what he really meant by that, what she said, but really meant by that. 

Mostly I think, I must really be saner than I thought.

After hearing their stories I have made this observation and have come to this conclusion. 

It's dinner for 300.

It seems to me that when dating continues, let's say after the age of 40, this phenomenon is a constant. Because to the table is brought every relationship that has predated this encounter. And there they all sit. Piping up, making noises, asking for clarification, more information. 

Understand, this is happening, simultaneously, with the conversation that is going on between the two flesh and blood people at the table. 

I suspect, the hope they all harbor, is that slowly, over time, those uninvited guests will be dismissed, one by one, until only two people are left.

Nice.

We’ve all been there.

The job interview, opening up your latest investment statement, stepping on the scale, receiving a gift, going on a date. You think one thing is going to happen and, uh oh, not what you expected.

Expectations unrealistic? Bar simply too high?

What to do?

You can replay the interview in your head…think of a better answer. Not open the financial statement until the recession is declared dead, stop eating, write Santa a better letter. The suggestions I made in cyberdating may be useful, you can reference those if you’d like.

Have I figured out how to do manage my expectations. Hmmm, not so much. But I am working on it. When I figure it out, I’ll get back to you.

Would have been great to have been able to dispense really, truly, foolproof, absolutely invaluable advice.

Hope you’re not disappointed.

Relationships are hard. Whether it is married folk, parent and child, business associates, singles,all are having to figure out what they need to do to find, keep or negotiate in order to achieve a successful relationship.

The amount of articles and books that have capitalized on this is astonishing. Okay, I”l bite… How astonishing? When I googled the topic achieving a successful relationship in 36 seconds Google had registered 11,000,000 responses. 11 million responses! Just to put this into perspective as to what people think is, I don’t know, interesting/newsworthy/read worthy, when I asked how many articles were associated with “should we commit troops in Afghanistan” it registered 6.5 million responses. Okay, back to the the 11 million.  That’s like every single person in New York City had a thought about this. Did you get a vote?

There certainly is enough “relationship specialists” out there aiding and abetting in how to negotiate bumps in the road, how to better communicate, how to interpret signals, how to, how to.

And, it’s BIG business. I mean, we are talking BIG bucks for those that have become the arbiter of what to say and what not to say, do and think. I am sure that we all can hear Dr Phil, every night, repeating the mantra, “thank you Oprah, thank you Oprah, thank you Oprah.” As he should, actually, twice a night.

I, sadly, don’t have any wisdom to dispense.  But, if you feel that you have some pearls to offer up, here is your forum. Dispense away.