"Meltdown in aisle 2, meltdown in aisle 2. We need a clean up crew to come to aisle 2, we have a muttering, swearing and clearly somewhat deranged woman…"

That would be me they are talking about.

You see, it was requested, can you imagine, that I take this form (it doesn't matter which form, any form) go over to one of tables, a table, I might add, that is too high for any mere mortal to write at comfortably, find a working pen, untangle the pen from its' chain, and fill the form out. Both sides.

First, however, one needs to watch a video that would prompt one on how to fill out the form. It is quite clear to me that the instructions on how to get the video to work were written by a sadist. Alternatively, they were written by someone who is almost, but not quite, graduated from their Rosetta Stone classes. I have great admiration and respect for multilingual individuals. I have yet, however, to meet someone who is totally fluent in writing intelligible questions in the language of  Forms.

You  really know you are in trouble when the form comes with a glossary of terms.

Cheating did seem like a viable option, but the height of the table, after all we were elbow to elbow, negated this option. Additionally, the fear of my calves cramping from standing on my tip toes, trying to see over their shoulder, further negated this plan.

On planes one is required to rummage around for their passport in order to enter their passport number.  Additionally there is the requirement of lknowing what airline they are flying, the flight number and where they will be staying when they arrive at their destination. How can I possible do this while concentrating on keeping the plane from plunging out of the sky?  I am pretty certain that raising my hand and announcing that I am opting to get off the plane, mid air, rather than fill in these blanks would result in no more wine glass refills for me.

Here's the solution to this.

It seems clear that sidestepping filling out forms, more often than not, really isn't a viable option. But, I've learned, that after the clean up crew comes to the rescue, there usually is some sympathetic soul, fearful of watching a grown woman unravel, who graciously offers to help out, if not to simply fill out the form.

Works for me. Everytime.