Let's start with the definition of stranger. According to Merriam-Webster a stranger is:
- Main Entry: 1strang·er
- Pronunciation: \ˈstrān-jər\
- Function: noun
- Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French estrangier stranger, foreigner, from estrange
- Date: 14th century
1 : one who is strange: as a (1) : foreigner (2) : a resident alien b : one in the house of another as a guest, visitor, or intruder c : a person or thing that is unknown or with whom one is unacquainted d : one who does not belong to or is kept from the activities of a group e : one not privy or party to an act, contract, or title : one that interferes without right
2 : one ignorant of or unacquainted with someone or something
Movies, witnessed by their titles, suggest that Strangers are to be avoided. "Perfect Stranger, Strangers on a Train, Dr. Stranger(sic)love, When a Stranger Calls, Stranger Than Fiction." Other than "Love With the Proper Stranger" which gave us Steve McQueen, who would instantly have become my new best friend, all other "strangers" connote weird, scary or bizarre.
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I suppose then, when at a dinner party, seated next to someone I've never met before, I can chatter away, entertain, be charming, and put my host/hostess at ease that there won't be dead silence at my end of the table. I adhere to the "guest" part of the above definition. Piece of cake.
Sit next to me at a Sushi bar, on a plane, train, any other moving vehicle, or at the doctor's office, and I go mute.
Purposefully, intentionally, without reservations, mute.
My charming button is switched off.
Not interested in knowing what you're eating, how long you've been waiting to board/leave/endure the vehicle you are taking to a place I have no interest in discussing, or knowing what ailments you have been treated for in the past and are being treated for right now, at this very second in time.
So I dutifully nod, give a rather tight smile and study my feet, nails, the sky, anything to avoid eye contact. Eye contact is deadly. They look at you soulfully, hoping for a bit of human contact…I have to do everything in my power to not succumb. To date, this has pretty much worked for me.
Which I suspect might give be the reason that the Facebooks, Linked-in, Twitters of the world have become so popular. It certainly allows for social interactions without ever having to utter a syllable of sound. And, when you don't want to interact you simply sign off, hit ignore, or delete.
Poof, they are gone. No hurt feelings, no soulful looks, blame your disappearance on your internet's bad connection.
All of this works well, unless, that is, you find yourself seated next to me at a dinner party, having previously attempted to engage me in conversation at the bus stop, doctor's office, or restaurant and remember me as "she who did not respond." No amount of assurances from the host/hostess will comfort you in being sanguine with your seat assignment, next to the MUTE. And I guess, it works for me too, I can keep my charming button switched off awhile longer and simply savor the meal that has been put before me.
