relationships
fine tuning
random thoughts

Filling In The Blanks

After I receive an email from an on line hopeful, I do three things.

First, I read their note. Then, I read their accompanying profile , then I make up an additional story about them.

My psychoanalyst friend, Susan, chastises me for my behavior. "Why make up a story?" she asks. "You need to ask them, if you want a further explanation as to what they may have meant when they said whatever they said."

Let me give you an example. "Hi," the email begins, "I usually like younger women, but you struck my fancy. Would you be interested in starting a dialog?" So, I look at the profile. His stated age preference is in fact, to meet women who are 25-45. Did I mention that he is over 65 years old?
"Ask him" says my analyst friend. "Perhaps he is rethinking his preferences."

Or, as another example, I'll receive a nice, rather benign note, "nice profile, nice pictures, shall we chat?"
So, I go to read the profile which, among other stuff, describes, very specifically, what feminine attire he desires. In addition to the heels, hose and little black dress ensemble, there was alot of stuff about silk, satin and I think, garters.
It isn't that these items couldn't be part of my repertoire of attire…It's just that I read all of this very, very carefully, and nowhere did I see an option of an oversized tee shirt, or sweats as being night wear options.

Susan is probably right. Don't make up a story. Find out more. So, I do.

But, I think to myself, I know better and I rely on my gut. Both guts, actually.
The gut that belongs to a 62 year old woman who will never again have a 25-45 year old gut for guy number 1 and the gut that chooses Spanx to conceal it rather than the lycra body suit, to flaunt it, for guy number 2.
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Best sellers

The Sunday Times Book Review section is a favorite of mine.
After poring over the reviews and recommendations, I always take a look at the best sellers; paper backs and hard covers, fiction and non fiction. Rarely do I glance at the Advice, How-To and Miscellaneous, exception being this past weekend.

 

I, frankly, wasn’t surprised at the listings…after all it’s a self help section and the obvious choices of books would reflect this. What did make me giggle, was the apparent schizophrenia of tastes. Of the listed books, I’m grouping the paperbacks and hardcovers together, half of them were food related. Of that grouping, half were cookbooks the other half diet plans.

 

Running 5:27

 

I wonder if the same reader is buying both. Ya think?
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Memo to the Publicist

I am, as we all are, sensitive to, and saddened by, the incredible numbers of people who have lost their jobs due to the current economic climate. It is heartening to see how corporate America, as well as our government, are stepping up to the plate to alleviate, when they can, the burdens of unemployment, with thoughtfulness and sensitivity.

Pzifer, the giant pharmaceutical company, decided that they, too, were going to participate. They created a program to continue filling prescriptions, at no charge to the individual or family, for at least a year, upon proof of a loss of employment coupled with other factors.

The  effect is twofold.  Pzifer  gets to keep its 'brand', top of mind for their consumer, and the consumers' hopefully, will remain loyal to the brand when they can afford to begin making their own purchases.

Why then, my memo to the Publicist?

Let's think about this. The publicists' day is spent writing press releases, helping duck any negative bullets, putting a bit of polish/spin on any messy situation,
promoting the company, the brand, as the situation dictates. Arguably, it is a relatively high pressure position. After all, this
person is charged with tip toeing through the land mines of controversy
and public opinion.

So then, what was this person thinking about when they created this headline and put it out to the media? Of all the myriad drugs in Pzifers portfolio….Free Lipator, Viagra other drugs for jobless seemed to me, to be a tad off on the sensitivity meter, adding insult to injury…and forgive me for not stating the obvious.

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Ode To Carly Simon

Lot's of reasons to pay homage to Carly Simon. After all, she bared her heart and soul to us in her music.

This particular nod to her is for "Coming Around Again." I think that this could become an anthem for some of us who are on the on-line dating circuit.

Here's why.

Admittedly, I have trouble, sometimes, remembering what I ate for dinner last night. However, I seem to have a prescient memory of whom I have written to, responded to, or actually had a real time encounter with.

Therefore, I am always quite amused when I receive a note from someone whose, ahem, acquaintance I have made….

Their note to me doesn't begin with any disclaimer about previous encounters. It is, apparently, written to  introduce themselves. Not reintroducing themselves, a first time, never knew you before, introduction.

So I wonder, how to respond? Clearly, had we connected the first time around we wouldn't be having a second go around.

So, for the moment I file the correspondence in the "Carly Simon folder." I figure, knowing that this prescient memory I have will, sooner than later, decrease. It is then that I can respond to them as if I never heard, wrote or saw them before.

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Memorial Day

A day for reflection, I think, not to be aMusing.

I've included a link about Memorial Day to be able to answer the questions the kids or grandkids might have about why today is a holiday.

So, enjoy whatever you are doing; this the official "summer kick off day," alternatively known as "I really don't have my beach body ready" day.

Oh, okay, maybe slightly aMusing.
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Turn up your air conditioning

A Human Fat Cell That Burns Calories?   Caught my attention, too.

I thought, okay, eating healthy, nutritionally balanced meals, doing aerobic and weight bearing exercises are the ways to maintain a trim and fit body. 

But, hey, if there is a scientific breakthrough that can accelerate the burning of calories, I'm there.

Scientists have been looking at something called brown fat. Brown fat, they surmise, can burn huge numbers of calories, activated by being in a chilly environment.  The goal here would be to find a drug that would "affect energy expenditure rather than appetite."

Without any pills available yet, I thought about some other means to stimulate my brown cells into action. These would include, turning up the a/c, standing longingly and endlessly in front of the open door of the refrigerator, ofcourse refraining from eating anything but celery, carrots and other veggies, or lastly, taking up ice fishing. 

The first two fly in the face of being environmentally sensitive, so I scrapped them. 
Alrighty then, Minnesota, anyone?
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Bring your drug testing kit along

No, not to test for communicable diseases, nor to determine any use of illegal substances, but rather to figure out if the one, you think is THE ONE, is in fact, the one. Got it?

Now clearly, words of adoration are wonderful, welcomed and needed;  but if you really want to be sure check their levels of adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin. 

Herein lies the proof.

Or so says, Helen Fisher, anthropologist. She tells us that initially, in the first stages of love (she calls this stage Lust), the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen kick in. Okay I thought, perhaps this explains that.  My estrogen hormones, are long gone, never to be seen again.

Next stage is Attraction (beyond me why this comes after Lust…) here there are the three neurotransmitters, the aforementioned adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin. Simplifying, adrenaline leaves you sweaty, your mouth goes dry and your heart races. Does that sound sexy to you?

 Dopamine seems to have the same effect as cocaine would. One would feel the need for less sleep or food and increased energy. Hmm, two out of three works for me. I like my eight hours, nightly.

Serotonin, deemed an important chemical when you're falling in love, has your new lover continually popping into your thoughts. An additional study, done by Dr. Donatella Marazziti, a psychiatrist at the University of Pisa, when looking at serotonin levels of "new lovers", found that the serotonin levels were equivalent to, and related to, the brain mechanisms of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

Lastly, we have phase 3, Attachment. Here we have Oxytocin and Vasopressin. It appears that these hormones are released after orgasm. Now, of course, this brings into play the issue of "was that good for you." A perfect way, it appears now, to know whether what sounded good, felt good,  was in fact, really good.

So, without the needles and test tubes, if your mate is sweaty, sleep deprived, and washes their hands often, don't despair. They are in love. You can now move onto stage 3 with confidence.


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Cleansing, detoxing and thee

More bad news in the world of quick fix dieting.
Quick fix, of course, is the operative word for most of us. After all we seem to be able to put it on quickly, so the thought of taking it off quickly makes perfect sense. Doesn't it?

Not, reported the Times. Flush those toxins away! Eh, not so fast.

These diets, it appears, provide you with all the necessary information about how to rid the body of the unsavory substances in the system. Frankly, the only unsavory thing lurking in my world is the little person who spends an inordinate amount of time on my shoulder whispering in my ear "go ahead, eat it, drink it, you deserve it."

So, the conventional wisdom of the medical community is that the results of these extreme measures work simply because the body is dehydrating. Other side effects, they report, might be muscle cramps, fatigue and irritability.

Sounds suspiciously like menopause.

And to add insult to injury, there is no quick fix for that either.

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Found the next place to move to

Here's the download.

Lush green verdant countrysides, deep sparkling waters, balmy weather. Usually the inhabitants are  found in clusters, laughing and chatting. It seems that spending time alone is frowned upon. It appears that those in the community who eat a handful of nuts, four to five times a week (about 2 ounces at a time) live three to four years longer. If you like nuts, I guess this is a plus. Everyone, really just about everyone, is apparently very very happy.

It has such an idyllic sounding name, too. The Blue Zones. There are at
least four communities to choose from. Sardinia (where, I want you to
know, they have the highest number of, I believe, available elderly gentlemen. Sadly, most are
sheepherders), Costa Rica's Nicoya Peninsula, Okinawa, Japan and lastly
Lima Loma, California.

And get this, you live much longer there. I mean, we are talking well into your 90's. And for those of you who are thinking, yeah sure, this stuff is documented.

There's a hitch though.

I'm pretty certain that you had to be born there to fall into the longevity group. Oh, your parents and your grandparents probably needed to be locals, too. In order to join the Linda Loma groups you need to be a Seventh Day Adventist. There is marginal indoor plumbing, and manual labor is expected.

Scientists have been spending time researching these communities to try to understand what accounts for the populations' longevity and happiness.  Dan Buettner, an author and adventurist Can Blue Zones Turn Back the Biological Clock, and incredibly handsome, by the way, continues his explorations to unearth additional Blue Zone communities.

Wondering if he needs an assistant, I might write him. I can take notes, eat nuts, check out the locals, count smiles, take pictures. Wanna join?

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Who funds these studies?

What caught my attention was the headline. "Smile! It could predict success of your marriage."

Was that the directive given as you walked down the aisle, I wondered? No, it seems that the predictor of the success quotient happens much much earlier.

The scientists examined photos that had been taken during the early years of their subjects. These included the photos that were taken for their high school year book. Now I ask you, who looked cool, in high school, with a huge toothy grin? Brooding, pensive, aloof were all de rigueur. Anyhow, these photos
were critically and carefully examined and ultimately the scientists correlated that those with the smiles were those with the longest marriages.

Following?

The statement that absolutely floored me was, "And smiling in photographs has been shown to be correlated with a number of traits, including a generally happier disposition. I think {our results} go along with a lot of the literature that's been coming out over the last five to ten years, which shows that positive emotionality is incredibly important in our lives. There are many, many beneficial outcomes to a positive disposition."

Ah, duh, yeah.

So, for all of you who are still in wedded bliss, you can reaffirm why with a quick survey of the family album.
And for those of you whose marriage bit the dust, perhaps while rooting around for who to blame, you can damn the photographer who said, "you look cute when you pout," rather than their saying, "cheese."

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