Can you imagine?

In an article I read, they euphemistically called it 'White Matter'. Which, for me, has a decidedly better ring than 'fat', don't you agree? Think about it, "I've added some white matter to my hips," Perhaps that conjures up a visual of a run in with a bottle of baby powder, a concealing of cocaine, or some other such nefarious activity, rather than a couple of inches. 

'Bottle' of baby powder? 

Absolutely know that bottle is the incorrect word, but for the life of me I can't, as I type this, retrieve the correct word. Jar of baby powder? Box of baby powder?  Perhaps, by the time I finish this, it will come to me.

Which brings me back to White Matter.

This article, "The Grown Up Brain: Sharper Than Once Thought," is a comforting concept. And that white matter (aka, fat) well it apparently coats the tails of brain cells and in middle age (which they consider 40-65) peaks. And the inability to find that elusive word, name, place is simply an issue of retrieval not memory loss. 

As for aiding and abetting in keeping those little fat cells doing what they need to do– you need to stimulate them. Not with an offer of a cocktail or two and a bit of a horizontal romp, but with exercise and mentally challenging activities. 

And as to the correct descriptor as to how talc is packaged… Container seemed to be the word of choice for a few folks that I polled. That doesn't quite click for me. I will mentally challenge myself, while I run up and down the stairs, do deep knee bends, and weight lift, to stimulate the retrieval of the right word.

And, as a bonus, lose the bad and add the good white matter.

“…a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy…” and a strong jawline, too boot, staving off a little nip/tuck for him.

Really.

Well, maybe not. Having no idea, actually, how old Yorick was when he met his maker…but, according to the latest findings there is more bad news for the sagging, drooping set. It’s your facial bones, which like the rest of your middle aged shrinking frame, that contributes to your jowly, hollowed eyed, oh my god what happened to my face, look.

Guess which one of those two beauties is the young one. So sad.

Drinking milk, calcium supplements, and exercising your jaw muscles by chewing vigorously, or talking incessantly, don’t appear to stave off any significant amount of bone loss. I am the poster girl for these maneuvers so I can attest to this.

Antidote?

Fluoride and flossing. That helps somewhat, the scientists offer us, for a shred of hopefulness. If you were considering a tooth, or two, removal for that higher cheekbone illusion, hmmm, not a good idea. Whew, aren’t you glad you read this! Sunken sockets accelerate bone loss.

Or something like that.

Think again.

Throw that veggie burger on the grill. Add some relish, ketchup, pickles, onions and perhaps a slice or two of cheddar and you can happily indulge in your summertime barbeque, without sacrificing a cow. You also are pretty certain that you are making a healthier choice for yourself and your loved ones.

Not so much.

It appears, according to the Cornucopia Institute, a food and agriculture nonprofit, that most non-organic veggie burgers on the market contain a chemical called Hexane. Alrighty, I'll bite (grin) what's a Hexane?

It is, apparently, an air pollutant and a neurotoxin. I am not exactly sure what a neurotoxin is, but I am pretty sure that I don't want the word toxin cozing up to the word neuro. Anyhow, the Institute has provided a list of popular veggie burgers made with Hexane.

Here's the link, you can print it out when you next go shopping.

If you had an aha moment and thought that these products are "non organic" and that must be the reason, you'd be wrong again. Apparently, the manufacturers are slipping by with "made with organic ingredients" sounding holy and noble…but alas, not.

Grill a fish. Unless, of course, it has too much mercury, or was overly farmed.

Skip the entree all together, have a s'more.

Catchy header?

It would be an important collection of letters and a number to know if you are a phlegm producing machine. Which, we all know, is a singularly undesirable, unattractive and not a good way to make friends, way to be. Unless you were Rose, standing next to Jack on the Titantic, learning how to master projectile spitting, without it dribbling down your chin. Thankfully, an act that James Cameron decided not to reprise in Avatar.

I digress.

Here is what the article I read  goes on to explain. This protein, when present in some milk, stimulates the mucus gland to overproduce.

This, I imagine, presents an interesting packaging problem for Borden’s, Organic, or any other milk manufacturing, carton designing, consumer informing, way to present their milk in the refrigerated cases. Unless, for example, their specific product came with a small packet of tissues. A spitoon would probably just take up too much room, edging out the space alloted for juices.

So then, the old wives tale about not drinking milk if you have a cold, in this case, has some merit.

Along with the one that says, ‘heartburn in pregnancy means a hairy baby’.

Really?

Really.

If that evokes a visual of Vic Tanny (am I really dating myself that much..??) okay David Barton, you’d be wrong.

Strong shoulders is the 21st c euphemism for shoulder pads. You remember shoulder pads, don’t you? The 80’s power suit. The outfits on all of the vixens on Dynasty. The accessory you wore with everything you owned. That would include your workout clothes and your nightie.

They seem to be back.

I can assure you I never sported a pair that looked like Bat wings, however.

We did think that they made us look slimmer, didn’t we? It probably has to do with the optical illusion that it diminished our hip measurements. Of course, with the invention of Spanx and Not Your Daughter’s Jeans, your hip size has been reduced. You now are a cylindrical form from the waist down, veeing out on the top.

You look like an ice cream cone. Trust me, this was not the look I was going for.

But, fashion forward that I am, I am going to dig deeply into my dresser drawer and retrieve the only pair that I didn’t burn for just this very moment.

Okay, the moment passed.

It’s back to slope shoulders for me.