Sounds suspiciously like two characters from the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, doesn't it? 
Actually, not.

These two are hormones that apparently work in consort to wreck havoc on your body. Leptin purports to signal your brain that you are full, Ghrelin stimulates your appetite.  The Yin and Yang of a dieters nightmare. Added to this, or so scientists conject, is how much sleep you get causes these two to go into overdrive.

These studiers of doom and gloom tell us that if you are sleep deprived you eat more, get a good eight hours and viola, a skinnier you.

The exception to this is everyone I know.

I read this article a few times and would offer this insight.

Half the subjects were allowed to sleep nine hours a night. Were allowed to sleep nine hours? And they weren't teenagers? Drugs and alcohol weren't consumed, to the best of my knowledge. They lost weight.

And when these very same subjects were moved into the sleep deprived group, they ate more. Clearly these scientists weren't testing for cranky. 

While an induced coma might be a tad drastic, think how skinny you'd be when they bring you back…

I suspect when Rod Stewart crooned this tune he wasn’t thinking about little furry rodents.

Clearly some University of Bonn scientists were.

These enterprising scientists made the discovery that if they fed viagra to mice (who had raised their little mouse paws and  volunteered for this experiment, agreeing that getting shocked on the way to finding the cheese was getting old). Anyway, in addition to the perks associated with using Viagra, they lost weight.

No muffin tops for these studly mice.

Of course, being sacrificed at the end of the week could have been considered a deterrent for volunteering.

I wonder if the scientists had these little guys monitered after the lab closed for the evening. After all, a motivation for any middle aged mouse is not only to be able to sustain an erection, hopefully for not more than 4 hours as using their little mouse paws to call their physician could prove to be problematic, but to look great while doing the dance of love.

Had the scientists, I contend, been viewing the after hours proceedings they would have learned that the benefit of weight loss was not attributed to the viagra at all, but to the organization of a rigorous exercise class.

Are you a label reader? Do you carefully, thoughtfully and compulsively need to know every ingredient in your food? Too much salt, not enough vitamin B,D,C, too high in sugar?

GMO's are the next piece of info to be considered. Genetically Modified Organisms. Trips off the tongue, doesn't it? 

Will a visual help?

If you want to cast your vote as to whether or not foods that are genetically engineered should be labeled as such you'll have to live in California. That's because California is the only state giving this some serious thought. And putting it to the voter. And most of the entertainment community is coming out in favor of labeling.

"You should know" they contend, "what is in your food." 

Let's think about this some more.

It's happening first in California. The entertainment industry is behind this. Need to know what you are putting in your body. How will it change my body chemistry? My future health? 

Want another visual?

It's that time of the year again, isn't it?

I'm not talking about desperately trying to locate last years unbelievably outstanding, to die for, turkey stuffing recipe; recalculating how many pounds of butternut squash it takes to make a really hearty, freezable soup good for the next 2 Thanksgivings; figuring out who sits next to who at the feast, if you could remember who's not talking to whom.

It's the time of the year that requires swapping out your summer wardrobe for your winter stuff.

Swapping out, of course, means different things to different folk. For some it's moving stuff from one closet to another closet, and vice versa (I know three people who can do that); for others it's  moving stuff from the front of their closet to the back of their closet; for others it's simply acknowledging that the stuff on the left side is for summer, the stuff on the right for winter. 

In any case, here's what most of the mere mortals I know go through…

"Will I wear it again?" "Did I wear it in the last year?" "Have I ever worn it?" "Did I not return it to whomever I had borrowed it from?" "Whom did I borrow it from?"

And it continues. 

"What was I thinking about when I bought that?" "Will it come back into style?" "Was it ever in style?' 

And then the dreaded dreaded last question. The question that strikes fear into the hearts of all…The moment of truth. 

"Will any of this stuff still fit me?'

I have great admiration for the journalist Nicholas Kristof.  He doubted WMD in Iraq.  He focused his attention on genocide in Dafur. His columns dissect the issues of poverty, gender and health. 

He is also a self proclaimed pathological runner. Loves running. "Was he" he wondered "addicted to running?"  "An exercise addict"? 

Clearly, it seems to me,  if one is going to boast an addiction, it should be for something good for you, like running. Admitting to being addicted to, oh, drugs and alcohol, doesn't have the same cachet, nor yield the same reactions. 

Since I know that running is a way more healthy addiction than, let's say, chocolate or alcohol, addictions of choice of most everyone I know, what's the reason we do one rather than the other?

Apparently, scientists know that deep within the brain there are areas of pleasure and addiction. "Pleasure centers." The scientists conclude that '.brain circuitry of the pleasure centers rewire to have the body steadily ratchet up the quantity necessary to provide the same high." 

Lay's potato chip slogan "bet you can't eat just one," was written with this concept in mind, it would seem.

What's confusing to me is where does the guilt circuitry reside? 

In the meantime, scientists will continue to work on new tools to aide in the fight of drug, alcohol and obesity addictions. Sex addictions, too.

We'll all be healthier, but will we be having a good time?

Actually, the correct Shakespearean quip is "frailty, thy name is woman."

Frailty, however, was no longer a useful descriptor of woman what with the advent of hormone replacement therapy coupled with the biphosphonates. Sally Fields became the patron saint of maintaining height, frailty banished from our vernacular.

So, anyhow, here's my question.

When you first looked at the image of this young woman what came to mind?

Did you see it as a strong political statement about the state of the union?

Or, did you, as I did, wonder if she'd be really upset about how her outstretched arms looked?"

Frankly, all things being equal, I think her arms look pretty good.

Maybe thirty years ago, I was an attendee at a Bette Midler concert. She glanced at her own outstretched arms, and wondered aloud "when did they take on a life of their own" and then proceeded to continue to strut her stuff without missing a beat. 

We all laughed. Now we just nod in agreement.

So if you see me at a future protest be sure to wave to me. I'll recognize you since you, like me, will be wearing a long sleeved shirt.

Did you, as I did, do a double take?

It's not that Patti is looking a tad tired. Nor is it the jowls. Or the shadows under her eyes. It's the sublime capturing of what 'if looks could kill', looks like. 

But in all fairness, an activity I usally see no percentages in being, can you imagine what it would be like to have some snap happy photographer chronicling your every move.

Having difficulty imagining it?

Think Loehmann's, or any one room, no cubicles, you are out there in all your glory–fitting room.

Glance over at the size 0 trying on the same garment you were about to slip on. It isn't as if you thought, up until that very moment in time, that you actually were taller, thinner and younger than you are. It's simply not wanting to acknowledge that you are shorter, fatter and older. Having it immortalized digitally, or on celluloid, as a reminder of days gone by, or, even worse, days that never were, would have you scowling too.

And if you are not older, fatter or shorter? 
Can you still experience longing? Compare yourself to another? Think about talking to your stylist about push up bras?

Apparently.

And, an oh so itsy bitsy, teeny eeny bit of nipping and tucking doesn't hurt, either. Being fair.

Want to be the one who can avoid getting caught in the throes of a jealous glance? These might work. 

Sounds suspiciously like new coffees from Starbucks, doesn't it?

It's not.

6 or so months ago, Levi's introduced Curve ID, a line that offers three new styles, depending on how rounded a woman's backside might be.

How rounded her backside might be?

So let me ask you this. If you are told you needed size BOLD, having thought you'd be a Slight, would you be devastated?  Surely you didn't think that up until that moment in time you were mistaken for having the body of Heidi Klum?

The manufacturing community has confounded us shoppers for a very long time. Sizing is not consistent. So what.

Here's a scenario. You go into Banana Republic and you try on a size 10. It fits. Next you meander into American Eagle and try on a 4. It fits. What's confounding about this?  You just don't shop in Banana Republic anymore. Right?

Some entrepreneurial type created a company called MyBestFit. It offers a full body scan. It figures out things like thigh circumference. Yeah, you got that right, thigh circumference. The upside of this activity? Correct. You only shop at the stores where you wear the smaller size.

But you knew this already.

There is talk of trying to have all manufacturers standardize sizes. No more guessing when you enter a store. Am I am 6, 8, 10?

That would work. Until you see that you are a size 12.

And never shop again.

Or red, green, maybe yellow. 

Then again, maybe not.

Experts are being summoned by the F.D.A. to "review the evidence and advise on including warning labels on food as it relates to artificial food coloring."  A link, it seems, has been bandied about that artificial food coloring can cause hyperactivity or behavior problems in some children.

Let's think about this for a minute.

Food coloring/high sugar content?  Let's weigh that again. Food coloring/high sugar content. Any correlation that you can see? Froot Loops, Pop tarts, Twinkies anyone? Yet, it appears that some parents are convinced that when they eliminated foods that were artificially food colored the behavior of their progeny improved.  

Really?

As for us grown ups…it appears that if it looks yellow, without any change in taste, we think it's banana flavored. Go figure. Gray food, I suppose, holds little appeal.

I suppose putting on a blind fold prior to eating seems a tad over the top. Besides, how would we rate the chef's presentation skills?

I, for one, find the whole debate odd.

Except for one thing.

When was the last time you saw red pistachio nuts?

Right. In forever. After all, after you had indulged in consuming a pound, give or take, of that delicacy, did you want to be caught, literally, red handed? 

I love me. I'm a good person.

Am I thinner yet?

Self-compassion. That's the trick.

Psychologists are researching how kindly one views oneself by administering tests to pin point just how you feel about yourself. Do you like yourself? Or not? 

So now having taken the test I have determined that I am the poster girl for having little self-compassion. So sad.

But, I have learned the antidote for feeling and acting on my imperfections. Acceptance and self love.

All of which I can internalize by reading a new book called "The Self-Compassion Diet." Ironically published by a company called 'Sounds True Publishing'. I wondered if anyone else thought to snicker when reading that. But, then again, I learned that if you are a self-compassionate person you are very forgiving. Those of us with little or no self-compassion are, apparently, critical of others, too. Oh dear.

Anyhow,  Jean Fain, is a psychologist, a teaching associate at Harvard Medical school, and totally aware of the vulnerability of those who are looking for something, anything, and any purported expert, to help them shed those unwanted pounds.  

Her advice, "treat yourself with self-compassion. Eat when you are hungry, stop when you're full, rest when you are tired and move when you feel energized. You will lose weight naturally." Gee, that's a unique approach.

There are four roots to sustainable weight loss for you to follow in her book. In addition to self compassion there are sections on mindful eating, social support and hypnosis.

Hypnosis?

So, look into my eyes and repeat after me. "I love me, I like me, I am a good person, I am wonderful. And really thin. A size 0."

In the area of "self" whether its awareness or compassion, self delusional has always worked best for me.